Tips on Landing a Wife (according to my son)

Tips on How to Land a Wife

Do’s and Don’ts according to Michael:

Find someone smart. You will find out her intelligence by her actions.

Find someone who likes you.  Someone who is heterosexual should look for someone heterosexual. Someone homosexual should look for someone homosexual.

Find someone who can cook with a spicy personality because food is important for survival just like water. And a spicy personality means she’s not lame, that she doesn’t suck, not boring but happy and adventurous, playful and a bit of a prankster.

Be kind to her friends, but don’t show too much kindness to her friends; otherwise, she might think you like her friends better than you like her.

Keep nails trimmed. Nice cologne plus deodorant.

Do your part of the housework after you become a husband, but before that, you gotta do your housework all by yourself.

Go and become popular so you’d have a lot of girls to choose from.

Don’t let them pollute your mind with pop culture.

Find someone who is as non-religious or as religious as yourself so you don’t end up fighting all the time.

Ask her out and do something you both like so you’re not miserable.

If she cries, ask her what is wrong. If she doesn’t answer, stay there.
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“The Right Kind of Wife…”

(This Chuckle of the Day is brought to you by Michael.)

“Mr. W____ said that the reason why he grows his goatee and mustache is because the ladies love them. Yup, he’s definitely going through his second adolescence. What I learned from Mr. W_____ is that it’s ok to want attention from ladies. He is lucky to have the right kind of wife who allows that.”

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Crazy Mom

Crazy Mom

(No, it isn’t me. Not this time anyway, though i was close to being driven crazy by one crazy mom.) Now imagine a woman who sees it as her mission to look for a best friend FOR HER SON. Why? Because she claimed that the MOST important part of her childhood was the shaping of her personality thanks to her best friend. (And where is this MOST important personality shaper in her life today, I wonder? I wish she were the one listening to this woman instead of me! ) So there she was, sucking up to me and my son. Naturally i braced myself for what was coming. From my limited experiences with this woman, i could already tell that there is quite a bit of unhappiness wrapped up in her whole too-much-ness. And i did wonder why she felt the need to target me as the recipient of her high-strung, urgent, unwanted advice-giving and oversharing. I can’t understand how her style of communicating would be helpful in making lasting friendships. Again my husband reminded me that i tend to be a magnet for such people’s venting. So i did give her about 15 minutes of my day, and i am confident i would be able to tolerate her again after a couple of weeks. I walked away feeling like i needed a shower and a mouth rinse to rid myself of toxicity. I still hold to the principle that one should not piss off crazy people. Call it self-preservation, if you will. I honestly admire my son’s ability to laugh this whole thing off by stating ever so confidently, “Who i am at my core is shaped by me, not by someone else.”  I only wish crazy woman could have heard him.

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