“I put the cat in my mouth because…”


I noticed a huge wet spot on the back of the cat’s neck so i asked my son what happened.

He said, “I really want to be the cat’s mommy so I tried to pick him up with my mouth. I didn’t realize how much spit I had.”

I said, “Well, were you successful? Why would you do that?”

He said, “I am trying to improve my immune system. I’m innoculating myself with cat germs in case I have to be one of them someday.”

(Somebody help me understand boy-logic!  And his career choice as cat mommy???!!!??)

Love means you can’t smell stinky armpits


Michael:  today at the gym, B_____ said she’s been watching my videos on youtube. And she said I smell like vanilla.

—-(a few days later at the gym)—-

Michael:  B_____, do you think i still smell like vanilla today?

B_____:  (leans in to smell Michael) yes, you still smell like vanilla.

Michael:  (turns to T_____) do you think I smell like vanilla?

T_____ scowls and leans back.


Michael:  Mom, do we have something that smells like vanilla in the house?

Mom:  no, why?

Michael:  B_____ says i smell like vanilla.

Mom:  i think that’s just how a girl shows that she likes you.

Michael:  REALLY?  Oh, that’s SO nice!

Mom:  You don’t smell good after working out. So she must really like you.

Michael: yeah, i guess you’re right cuz i don’t even think i smell good. Smell my armpit…it’s really bad!